Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Guest Post: A Most Ingenious Theory

[This is a guest post written by Jonathan T at the urging of Dr Nygaard, and it is part of the The Case of the Lady Slipper Stalker. Jonathan is now officially an F-Wing Irregular.]

Why I believe the Lady Slipper Stalker is Mr. Diener

Upon request by Dr. Nygaard, I am to share with you my theory regarding the identity of the infamous Lady Slipper Stalker. As stated above, I believe the identity of the LSS to be none other than Mr. Diener. I developed this theory shortly after the post regarding the second Ziploc bagged surprise (the one containing the coloring book and coded message). 


To uncover the identity of the LSS, one must look deeper than the obvious “hints” provided by the supplied items. The first thing I thought about was where one would procure a wildflower coloring book. Beyond the obvious “the internet” answer so many of my fellow Marshall students seem to like, I believe a national park, like perhaps Jay Cooke State Park, would be a very plausible location for the procurement of such a coloring book. This points the finger at Mr. Diener because, as many of you know, he works at the park.*

At this point, I went a little deeper into the evidence provided by the items. As Dr. N pointed out, the LSS had used four plastic bags to house their mysterious gifts twice in a row. Someone willing to take the time to do this twice would undoubtedly enjoy order and would likely display similar traits in other endeavors. However, other items in the parcel pointed in the opposite direction. For example, the coded message, another thing seemingly right up Mr. Diener’s alley, was rather disorderly. The lines were of rather variable length, the spaces between words were wildly variable, and the unusual orientation of the message on the paper all pointed to a haphazard, rushed job. This note was therefore likely created by an individual who may be disorganized or rush through things. 

These contradictory clues, in my mind, could only point to one person. In Marshall’s community of teachers I feel only one person displays a strong affinity for order, as well as disorganization. Those who have taken a class taught by Mr. Diener will surely remember the infamous power-point presentations, every time polished and perfected to the letter. Countless hours were surely spent making sure they were clearly ordered and typo-free. Students will also remember his well planned out curriculum and syllabi. 

On the other hand, students will surely also remember the “back room,” a place containing disorganized heaps of scientific equipment, props, and seemingly random items all threatening to tumble to the floor at any second. Students may also remember activities like the rock/mineral test and the chaos of students running around the classroom trying desperately to remember their halite from their graphite. 

I believe the LSS can be none other than Mr. Diener because he displays the simultaneous levels of meticulous order and haphazard disorder that can be found in the items left around campus by the LSS.

Jonathan T

*Mr Diener now works at Gooseberry Falls State Park (Dr N).

9 comments:

  1. Very nicely done, Jonathan! You clearly know Mr Diener very well...

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  2. I would like to add that Mr. Diener incorporates encryption into his 8th grade field trip to Gooseberry...

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    1. Yes, I have heard this from Mrs Castle!

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  3. Hmmm, Jonathan's, or Johann's, as I prefer to call him, reasoning is easy to follow. It is also interesting that Mr. Diener uses encryption. Yet, the coded numbered message makes me think he has an accomplice - Ms Momsen, maybe even backed by her Math League team. They BOTH work or worked at Jay Cooke State Park; I even think Ms. Momsen took Mr. Diener's job last summer, so they had time to scheme ...

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    1. I am quite certain at this point that the LSS has several accomplices. I'm also sure that Ms Momsen knows more than she's saying!

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    2. Though my compliments are high for Jonathan T for his studied, though sophomoric, analysis, I am compelled to offer this: it is not Mr Diener's wont to practice such flagrant misuse of zip-lock plastic bags, as he is, assuredly, a worthy steward of the only planet upon which we are blessed to dwell. JB

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    3. Worthy Steward, indeed! (But as he bikes to work in all weathers, I can imagine him wanting to protect the various items with a double-layer of plastic-certainty...)

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  4. I am beginning to be concerned about the exposure of too many of my secrets. All because of some bloomin' orchids.

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    1. My Dear Mr Diener,
      Do we not all demonstrate a mixture of "meticulous order and haphazard disorder"? Surely, there are no true secrets in our tiny community...except, of course, for the ones kept from me! (And let's watch our language--after all, the children are reading this, too!)

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